Bad Mood

Don't think you have a valid excuse for bad behaviour when you are moody. Don't think you can just say something offensive, followed by, "Sorry, I didn't mean that, I am in a bad mood today." You can't just walk away like that. Do you expect others to simply understand and forgive you --------- again and again, when you do it again and again? We can control our moods. We are our Masters.

Master your Mind, or be
Mastered by your Mind.

O-c-D

"It has been theorized that a miscommunication between the orbital-frontal cortex, the caudate nucleus, and the thalamus may be a factor in the explanation of OCD. The orbitofrontal cortex (OFC) is the first part of the brain to notice whether or not something is amiss. When the OFC notices that something is wrong, it sends an initial “worry signal” to the thalamus. When the thalamus receives this signal, it in turn sends signals back to the OFC to interpret the worrying event. The caudate nucleus lies between the OFC and the thalamus and it prevents the initial worry signal from being sent back to the thalamus after it has already been received. However, it is suggested that in those with OCD, the caudate nucleus does not function properly, and therefore does not prevent this initial signal from recurring. This causes the thalamus to become hyperactive and creates a virtually never-ending loop of worry signals being sent back and forth between the OFC and the thalamus. The OFC responds by increasing anxiety and engaging in compulsive behaviors in an attempt to relieve this apprehension" - Wikipedia

Self Test : http://www.mytherapy.com/demo/
http://www.peaceofmind.com/scholarships.htm

No Cellphones on Plane

WASHINGTON (AP) -- A government agency on Tuesday said it will keep a rule in place that requires cell phones to be turned off during airline flights.

The reasoning behind the decision was technical. But the avalanche of comments the Federal Communications Commission has logged from airline travelers have been nothing short of visceral.

Main Entry: vis·cer·al

1 : felit in or as if in the viscera : DEEP - a visceral conviction
2 : not intellectual : INSTINCTIVE, UNREASONING - visceral drive
3 : dealing with crude or elemental emotions : EARTHY - a visceral novel
4 : of, relating to, or located on or among the viscera : SPLANCHNIC - visceral organs

Aficionado

Learnt a new word today. Well, it's a noun --- aficionados.

From the m-w dictionary.

a person who likes, knows about, and appreciates a usually fervently pursued interest or activity : DEVOTEE

Actually 'learnt' a lot of new words everyday when reading my books. Checked the meaning of each word but tend to forget its meaning now and then, unless I come across the word again. If I don't use these words, I will tend to forget them. So, decided to have a new word whenever I enter an entry. The article I read is that Pizza can possibly be healthy food. Studies have shown that antioxident levels rose by 60% with longer baking time and rose by 82% with higher baking temperatures., depending on the type of wheat flour used and antioxidant tests used. The longer the fermentation time, the higher the antioxidant level. This probably stemmed from the chemical reactions caused by the yeast in the dough that had more time to release the antioxidant component.

However, the article reported that pizza aficionados who might want to cover their crust with pepperoni, cheese, sausage, and ground beef, the health value added will be negated by these things with potential negative health consequences.

Ah-ha! So this is where I learnt the new word "Aficionados"!

9th March

In the middle of the flowing seasons

I suddenly feel the length of the day

Within these busy days

I paint our dreams with you

Put our memories on the winds of March

And the cherry blossoms as they carry on to spring

The over flowing grains of light

Slowly warm the morning

After I let out a big yawn

I was smiling just a little, sitting next to you

I am standing at the entrance to a new world

And what I have realized is that I am not alone

I wonder how strong I have become

Knowing that whenever I close my eyes

You would be there

That’s the way I want to be for you

The dust brought in by the swirling wind

Tangled in the hanging laundry

but before noon the white moon in the skywas so beautiful it astounded me

There are things that will not go well

But when you look to the sky, they seem so small

The sky settles into the cold

And the clouds drift silently

If we can share in the joy

Of waiting for flowers to bloom, that would be happiness

From here on laugh softly beside meI wonder how strong I have become

Knowing that whenever I close my eyes

You would be there

That’s the way I want to be for you

Looking Forward To.....

Guess what? I can't believe that I am looking forward to going to a country which I used to dislike strongly..... It's been 3 and a 1/2 years since I last went there! Will be arriving there at 12plus in the afternoon, after an overnight flight from Bangalore. Guess I'll be god damn tired but who cares? Am gonna put down my lugguage after checking into the hotel, and immerse myself in the HK crowd! Will walk along the familiar Tsim Sha Tsui district, or should I cross over to HK island first? Hmm... I think I will cross over to HK island first, take the MTR to Central and walk through HK Park to Pacific Place! And from there, I will take the MTR to North Point, where I used to live.....haha! Will 'tour' around the familiar street and then take a tram to Taikoo shin. HeHe...are you jealous? Thereafter, will take the MTR to Tsim Sha Tsui and start my shopping till night time. I don't care how tired I am gonna be, but am going to those places that I used to go! Damn, how I wish I had more time!

Hey! Here I come!

Why

Why is misery always finding me?
Why is suffering always following me?

Why is happiness always eluding me?
Why is pleasure always avoiding me?

What have I done wrong?
What have I done wrong?

Do I deserve this?
Do I not deserve any happiness?

Why does God deprive me of simple happiness?
Why does God deprive me of simple pleasure?

Why does God deprive me of beautiful mornings?
Why does God deprive me of peaceful nights?

When will I ever get a chance to be truly happy?
Or
Will I not get any chance to be happy at all?

O God!
Please do not rob me of my happiness
O God!
I just want simple pleasure
I just want simple happiness
Please grant me that
Even if it's not for eternity

Moonlighting

What can I do to supplement my income? Hmm...... Following is the list...

1. Private tuition
2. Weekend mobile carts
3. Sell stuff on the net
4. Part-time waitering
5. Set up a hedge fund
6. Play with shares!
7. Sell insurance?????

Sigh......

Reminiscence

Missing my school days so much, especially my secondary and uni days. How time flies. Those were the days that I guess I was truly happy? Life sucks. There are so many things that one has to do in order to achieve true happiness. Is it that difficult? I do not know.

Perhaps I am reliving too much of my past, I just refuse to let go those happier times. Why? I guess a person only relives his or her past if he or she is unhappy. Memories is a by-product of unhappiness, remember?

I feel so bored. So bored that I forced myself to take an afternoon nap just now. What kind of life is this? I just refused to continue reading my book, refused to go running, refused to do anything. Anything at all.

It's probably time that I need to find something to do, but I do not know what I should do.

After a Long Day's work........

Tired of hearing complaints. Can't human beings be more optimistic? I don't want to be the main recipient of complaints all my life. So, for God's sake, please spare me this agony. After a day's work, one usually wants to do something peaceful, like reading a book, watching some TV programmes, etc. I really do not want to be bothered with things like "What do you think of this?", "How do you interpret this?", "Help me with this and that"....... Honestly, I wouldn't mind doing this or lending a listening hear if I am not tired, but imagine reaching office at 730am and start working all the way till 630pm. Won't you be tired, both emotionally and physically? I just don't want to think, or to be bombarded with all sorts of unimportant questions. So, please.

Someone in the office always loves to complain, so much so that I try to avoid talking to him. Every single leisure conversation with him will somehow lead to a complain session. I am really really sick of it. I guess though some people 'deserved' to be complained, there must be some compliments that they deserve, right? So if you are someone who complains a lot, please think twice. Reason is that as human beings, we are not just made to listen to complaints, but our brains also need to process something nice. If you hear complaints or negative things all the time, what will happen to the recipient? How will the recipient react towards such daily complaints? Simple. Like what I have done towards this person in the office, I simply avoid talking to him, esp during working hours. He seems to get the message, and he doesn't come to my desk to chat anymore. However, we still have lunch as a group everyday. In this way, I can still keep him as a nice working co-worker, and at the same time, I do not have to receive his complaints everyday!

But, what if you have to deal with some one who complains a lot and who is closer to you? I guess I just have to ignore!

Why

Human beings are a weird lot, aren't we? I always hear people complaining about others (well, including myself) but have we ever thought if we ourselves may be at fault too? Imagine this, if we are always complaining about others, I bet others are complaining about us too. This morning, I overheard some colleagues gathered together and were complaining about some people. Not that they were at fault but I was thinking to myself, probably those people whom they were complaining about might be gossiping among themselves too!

And there are people who are great pretenders. Somehow they seem to be able to portray themselves as so noble, so innocent and are such great human beings. However, their actions don't seem to be consistent with their words! My God! What in the world are these people thinking about? I simply can't understand how one's actions can't seem to gel with one's words! How do they manage to do it? Am searching for an answer......

Someone wrote in her blog that certain people help others in order to make themselves look gracious. Gosh, I never thought about that in my entire life! If you wanna help, you will help. Why would someone help others to make themselves look good? Do most people do that? Who the hell has so much time and energy to spare in order help others so as to make themselves look gracious?? If you agree with Abraham Maslow, having met their basic nees, human beings will pursue other higher needs---> Esteem and Self-actualization. Well, I guess this theory is too general, because not everyone will satsify their needs based on this hierarchy. It also depends on the individual's character, either innate or nurtured.

You see, a person who does not know me at all and who reads my entries may think that I am a 'good' person. But who knows? Perhaps I am just one of those great pretenders? HaHa....

What more can I say!

Konayuki

粉雪
作詞: 藤巻亮太 作曲: レミオロメン

粉雪舞う季節はいつもすれ違い

人混みに紛れても同じ空見てるのに

風に吹かれて似たように凍えるのに

僕は君の全てなど知ってはいないだろう

それでも一億人から君を見つけたよ

根拠はないけど本気で思ってるんだ

些細な言い合いもなくて

同じ時間を生きてなどいけない

素直になれないなら

喜びも悲しみも虚しいだけ

粉雪ねえ心まで白く染められたなら

二人の孤独を分け合う事ができたのかい

僕は君の心に耳を押し当てて

その声のする方へすっと深くまで

下りてゆきたいそこでもう一度会おう

分かり合いたいなんて

上辺を撫でていたのは僕の方

君のかじかんだ手も握りしめる

ことだけで繋がってたのに

粉雪ねえ永遠を前にあまりに脆くざらつく

アスファルトの上シミになってゆくよ

粉雪ねえ時に頼りなく心は揺れる

それでも僕は君のこと守り続けたい

粉雪ねえ心まで白く染められたなら

二人の孤独を包んで空にかえすから

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suicide

Suicidal ideation
Suicidal ideation is defined as considering or fantasizing about taking one’s life. Ideation may range from vague or unformed urges to meticulously detailed plans and posthumous instructions

From Wikipedia

CNY

CNY is not as exciting as it used to be. Guess I am getting old.....no more excitement of receiving red packets, no more excitement of visits from relatives, no more excitement of TV programmes....nothing. These excitements have faded into obscurity over the last many years. I don't even remember when was the last time I got so excited over CNY?

What do I look forward in life? Good food? Nope, it's not the answer for me. Good career with a reasonably good salary? Nope. A quiet life with no major setbacks? Yes.....probably. A real family? Yes....maybe. Peace and happiness for my family and all my loved ones? Yes, an absolute YES!

What do I want to acheive in the next 5 years and more years to come?

1. A healthy family
2. An apt (small one is good enough)
3. Physical Health
4. Physical Health
5. Spiritual Health, Spiritual, Spiritual
6. Peaceful life
7. Peaceful life
8. Peaceful life
9. and therefore, happiness
10. And therefore, Happiness

Leisure

The following are the books that I want to finish reading within the next 2 months:-

1. Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoyevsky
2. Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy
3. Hunger by Elise Blackwell

I also vow to run at least 5km 3 times a week, no excuses should be given.

I also need to actively find jobs in that country. Otherwise, I will have to find a uni to do an MBA. It doesn't matter if I don't do my MBA. Doesn't matter at all. If I can work there, even if it's hard work, it's ok with me.

Countries

Saw someone posted on her blog the list of countries that she has visited. Well, mine's below...

1. Most parts of Malaysia (Several times)
2. Eastern Malaysia, Sabah (only once....:-( )
3. Jakarta, Bintan, Batam, Indonesia (Several times)
4. Manila, Philippines (Several times)
5. Hanoi, HoiAn, HoChi Min, Vietnam (Several times, except HoiAn. Beautiful place!)
6. Most of the Eastern parts of Australia (Twice)
7. Hobart, Launcestor (not sure if I have spelled correctly), Tasmania, Australia (Once, wanna visit again!)
8. Guangdong, Yunnan, Beijing, Sichuan, Urumqi,Shenzhen........China (Several times to Beijing. The rest of the cities, once! Wanna go Shanghai! Wait for me!)
9. Kyoto, Osaka, Japan (Once, will visit again!)
10. Seoul, S. Korea (Once. Free trip to Seoul? Thanks, but no thanks!)
11. London, UK (A couple of times. Still love London)
12. Kiruna, Stockholm, Sweden (Once. Unforgettable experience, but no value for money. Once is good enough)
12. Copenhagen, Denmark (Nice, wanna go again)
13. New York, U.S.A (Haha, does it include all many other cities that I transit??????)
14. Fredericton, Toronto, Canada (No more Fredericton. No more Toronto! Unless I can work in Toronto)
15. Chennai, Delhi, India (Once)
16. Kathmandu, Biratnaga, Nepal (Many times, but will never get tired going there! It's heavenly!)
17. Dhaka, Chittagong, Bangladesh (Dhaka- A city that I visited most, after KL.)
18. Colombo, Sri Lanka (Several times, not a bad place)
19. Hong Kong (Hmmm.....ok, lots of memories there, would like to visit again to relive those nice memories....)
20. Taipei, Taiwan (Err....ok)
21. Macau (Nice, wanna go again)
22. Munich, Germany (Hmm....guess London is a nicer place..err..in my personal opinion)
23. Bangkok, ChiangMai, Thailand (A couple of times)
24. Zurich, Switzerland (Once)
25. Karachi, Islamabad, Pakistan (A couple of times)

Hmm....my next dream destinations are, in order of priority:-

1. Indy!!!!!!!!, Chicago!!!!!!!
2. New Zealand (have not done any research which part of NZ to go. But guess visiting the Lord of the Rings sites would be nice.....)
2. St. PEtersburg, Russia
3. Hokkaido, Japan

And the list of countries that my loved one (you know who you are) have been to are:-

1. Fredericton, Toronto, Canada
2. Indy, Chicago, California, NY, U.S.A
3. Cancun, Mexico
4. London, UK
5. Paris, France
6. Italy (which cities?)
7. KL, other states of Malaysia
8. Kathmandu, Nepal
9. Beijing, Shenzhen, China
10. Hong Kong
11. Macau
12. Kiruna, Stockholm, Sweden
13. Copenhagan, Denmark
14. Germany (Which city?)
15. Tokyo, Japan
16. Bintan, Indonesia
17, Bangkok, Phuket, Thailand

Strait is the Gate

"Strait is the Gate" by Andre Gide

"The summer of that year was splendid. The whole world seemed steeped in azure. Our fervour triumped over evil - over death; the shades gave way before us. Every morning, I was awakened by joy; I rose at dawn and sprang to meet the coming day.... When I dream of that time, it comes back to me all fresh with dew"

The Maid's Request

The Maid's Request, by Michèle Desbordes

"It is a simple story, possessed of the same quiet dignity as its two main protagonists – the maid and the elderly Leonardo Da Vinci. He is in France supervising the work of some of his pupils. Not a great deal happens. He helps his pupils, she cleans the house and prepares meals. Her son visits for a month, a donkey dies, she goes to her village for her son’s funeral. But mainly they spend their time in quiet contemplation of each other. Watching and waiting, both aware of age, its implications and their comparative closeness to the hereafter. Skillfully, Michele Desbordes draws you in, and builds up the tension by virtue of the anticipation of the maid’s request of the title. Yet, when it happens, it is unexpected and surprising. All of this is framed by wonderfully descriptive narrative, compellingly written. You will want to read this book again and again"

With The Flow - II

Finally the day had come to an end, under a lowering sky, he had had to trudge his way through the gusts of wind, splashing along in fondants of mud of sorbets of snow,, towards his lodgings and his restaurant; and lo and behold, to add insult to injury, dinner was aweful and the wine tasted like ink.

His feet frozen, squeezed into ankle boots that had started to warp in the deluge and the puddles, his cranium white-hot under the gas burner hissing over his head, he had hardly touched his food, and even now his bad luck refused to let go of him; his fire falterd, his lamp grew sooty, his tobacco was damp and kept going out, staining the cigarette-paper with a stream of yellow juice.

He was overcame by an immense sense of discouragement; the emptiness of his prison-like existence became evident, and, as he poked at the fire, Folantin, learning forward in his armchair, his foreead resting on the ledge of the fireplace, started to look back over the via dolorosa of his forty years, halting in despair as he came to each station of cross.

With The Flow

"With the Flow" by Joris-Karl Huysmans

"A Vau-l'eau" - Published in 1882.

An account of the experience of the vast majority of humankind. A precise account of the life of quiet desperation. "You have to let yourself go with the flow; Schopenhauer is right," he told himself.

Finally he resigns himself to being unable to affect his own life in any way: 'as he made his way back to his lodgings, he took in at a glance the desolate horizon of his life; he realised the futility of changing direction, the sterility of all enthusiasm and all effort. All efforts are inevitably doomed to failure. Boredom conquers all.